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Slimming Down With Steve
Seemed like a good idea at the time
Did I forget to mention how awesome I am?

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Muscles taught with anticipation whilst legs grew stiff from hours of waiting, one lone reporter remained with a set goal, all knowledge and skill coming into play as he leveled his patience. News teams from around New York had left the scene hours before, all but given up hope of the elusive politician emerging from their room, but, with brows lowered in heavy determination, one man would not be so easily defeated. This is why he was the best at what he did. This is why he'd come back to the job. And this is why the show needed him.

Crouched low to the ground, hidden behind the plastic foliage of a decorative plant, Steve Carell-- Reporter, Correspondent, Political Pundit, News Analyst and Award Winning Actor-- awaited his prey within the lobby of a well known NY hotel. Had it not been for years of journalist training and experience, boredom would have set in long ago, but Steve was man of dedication and will power who would not give up so easily. In this time of solitude, hunched against the over-sized and equally fake plant pot, Carell was given time to slip his mind into meaningful and life changing thoughts. No longer did he dwell upon missed opportunities, but relished in those that had been taken. Yes, he was a changed man.. or at least he liked to think so. But reality was somewhat different.

A minor shift in his gaze had him staring downwards, taking that moment to rearrange his tie, a finger slipping into the tight knot to loosen it's grip about his neck, releasing the oppressive hold it had on him. With a satisfied smile creeping to his features, his eyes drifted back up to be greeted with the view of slack clad legs, his neck craning back to eye up a hefty looking yet smartly dressed male whose legs those had belonged to.

"Mister Carell?"

"..Hello?" The response came, charming in it's manner, not at all phased by the apparent Security Guard.

"I'm going to have to ask you to leave. You're scaring the hotel guests."

An understanding nod from the crouched reporter followed, though his response was not of agreement, "I'm afraid I can't do that. You see I-"

But he was given no time for an explanation as one large hand grabbed his shoulder and hoisted him roughly to his feet, his arm being skilfully yet painfully twisted behind his back as he was escorted from the premises amongst his noisy protests and threats to sue.

Reporter Lesson #146: Fake plants do not provide ample cover.

Current Mood: determined determined

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By that, I can only deduce that your suggesting I lie on a regular basis or as part of my daily job.. And if you think that, then you're a terrorist.

I am the truth and every word that escapes my lips is scientifically proven, taken from fact and agreed with by millions and billions of World Wide patrons. I never lie, and that's the truth.

Of course, not everyone is quite so trustworthy, believable and truthful as myself. In fact, statistics from a recent survey 'You Call Yourself a Good Citizen, Moron?' proves that at least 85% of Americans admit to lying, whilst the answers from the other 15% were considered a lie in themselves. Now that, my friends, equals up to 100% lie-ability from our fair country. Put America on red alert! No home is safe from the lies of their family, friends, colleagues.. and even themselves.



Trust no one, good citizens, and take every word they say as a lie!
Believe me, if you come home to find your girlfriend on top of another man, she didn't just 'fall on him'. Oh no, because accepting that excuse will just have you walking right back in on the same scene the next night, and the next night.. and the next.. aaand the neeext..

...

I.. I just need a moment.. alone..

Current Mood: depressed depressed

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Good morning, good afternoon and good evening to the world, and maybe even beyond..
Yes, my beliefs in pro-culture allow me to respect and greet not only America, but also the smaller and lesser known countries around the world.. like Russia. Zdravstvuite, indeed.

Instead of displaying my amazing talents on television, I speak to you today through the waves of Internet, a technology that has taken the world by storm and has allowed me to carry my well opinionated voice across a new plane of media. Not only that, but I can continue to share with you my handy survival tips and fascinating information of produce.

Keep your eyes peeled (though not in the painfully literal sense),
Steve Carell
Correspondent
28 comments or Leave a comment